BREAKING NEWS: The European Union Joins Turkey

It's official, the EU has joined Turkey. Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan and the head of the European Union Ursula von der Leyen held a joint press conference where they announced that the European Union will formally join Turkey in a matter of weeks. The news has sent shock waves throughout the world, even eclipsing the ongoing Coronavirus outbreak. "People said we (Turkey) will never join the EU, so we decided that the EU will join us. Why go to Brussels, when Brussels can come to you? We thank our European brothers for seeing the light and choosing to join us, together no one will stop us, not even Assad amk!“ President Erdogan announced during the press conference. “We had no choice, he (Erdogan) threatened to arrest me and the whole European Union if we did not agree.” Ursula von der Leyen said. "He (Erdogan) also kept talking about a place called Silivri, and how it's very cold there at this time of year, and how I wouldn't want to go there." a visibly shaken von der Leyen added.

Albania and North Macedonia has reportedly stopped their accession talks and ongoing process to join the EU. Azerbaijan's president, Ilham Aliyev, also announced today that his country will be formarly joining Turkey in a matter of weeks as well. British PM Boris Johnson has reportedly said that "Bloody hell, thank God we got out just in time." The Greek PM, Kyriakos Mitsotakis, has announced that his country will be leaving the EU this afternoon. The German chancellor Angela Merkel reportedly fainted when she heard the news while screaming “ACH MEIN GOTT!” and “NEIN NEIN NEIN!” before collapsing into a senseless heap. The Turkish Lira has soared by 20% while the Euro plummeted by 2,000%.